Many parents take for granted having a child (or children) toilet-trained and wearing underwear throughout the day and night. For many parents with children diagnosed with developmental disabilities, not having to change a school-aged child’s diaper, bring a 12-year-old boy into the women’s restroom, or wake up in the middle of the night to change bedsheets for the third time this week would be glorious. I should note that there is no incantation or wand-waving that will magically toilet-train a child. Unfortunately, it just takes much longer for some kids for a variety of reasons. I hope some of these strategies and tips that I’ve used with parents of my past clients will be helpful on your trek to toilet-training triumph.
- Push Fluids! It may seem a bit counterintuitive: you want to decrease urinary accidents but I’m telling you to give them more liquids. Think of it this way: the only way to get better at something is to practice more, therefore, the more full bladders, the more opportunities to use the toilet.
- Bring Something Fun. You’ll likely spend quite a bit of time in the bathroom for a few days. Bring iPads or books to engage your child while he or she is sitting on the toilet. After having your child drink juice/water/etc, wait about 10 minutes and then bring him/her to the toilet. Have him/her sit and wait until they pee in the toilet.
- Withhold REALLY Fun. Make your child’s most preferred activities contingent on producing on the toilet. Is there a particular figurine your child loves the most? Put that on the counter in the bathroom and tell your child that (s)he can get it after peeing in the potty. Over time, you can increase the amount of time that (s)he has to wait before getting something: After peeing in the potty 3 times without having an accident, (s)he can have an ice cream sundae!
- Don’t Get Mad! Accidents happen. We say that about so many other aspects of our life, why get mad when a child can’t hold his or her bladder? Don’t make an accident a big deal, just review what your child can do better next time (i.e., tell you that they have to go to the bathroom). Some children may be having accidents to get your attention. This can be ruled out if you don’t provide excessive attention when they do have an accident.
- Don’t Expect Perfection. Many children have more issues with having a bowel movement on the toilet than urinating. Why would you choose to awkwardly sit with your legs dangling below you to poop, when you can curl up with a Tonka truck in the corner when no one is watching?! Focus on peeing in the toilet and pooping usually follows.
- Fluid Cut-off. Make a rule to stop liquids after a certain time (usually about an hour before bedtime) to cut down on the likelihood of having an accident overnight. Make sure you also take your child to the bathroom and wait for him/her to produce before they go to bed.
- Make It Awesome! Get over-the-top enthusiastic when your son or daughter pees in the potty! Create your own dance, handshake, or another reward system. Make being able to flush the toilet a reward for peeing in the potty, I worked with a client who earned stickers every time she peed. She would earn so many stickers that her shirt would be covered by the end of the day. So I made her a “Potty Passport”. When she earned a sticker, she could put it in her passport to show her mom at the end of the day.
There’s no one magic trick to help a kid with toilet-training. It takes patience; sometimes a LOT of patience. It’s also important to make sure there are no medical issues that might be undiagnosed before creating a toilet-training program (it’s not fair to make a contingency if the child has something wrong with his or her bladder).
What are some things you’ve tried that have or have not worked when toilet-training?