It would be great if we never had to worry about inappropriate, maladaptive, and/or challenging behavior. But then I’d be out of a job. And I really like what I do. However, I do have some secrets to share to decrease the likelihood of your child engaging in unwanted behavior, even if you’re not entirely certain of the function of the behavior.
Changing your behavior before your child engages in challenging behavior is called “antecedent management”. You’re managing the antecedent circumstances to decrease the chance of your child doing something they shouldn’t be doing.
- Catch them being good: Whenever your child is being good, provide lots of dense, enthusiastic positive attention! The goal is to ignore challenging behavior and provide lots of reinforcement for being good so your child gets attention for being appropriate. (*Remember: Attention can be positive or negative. Saying “Do not run away!” and “Nice job cleaning up your room!” are both forms of attention.)
- Use opposite positives: When your child is doing something wrong, tell them what they SHOULD be doing instead of what they SHOULD NOT be doing. For example, if your child is jumping on the couch, instead of saying “Stop jumping!” you could say “Sit down”.
- Giving fake choices: A fake choice is giving two options in which both options result in the same goal. For example, you’d love to have your child eat vegetables for dinner, right? Instead of telling him/her what they have to eat, give them a choice; “Do you want carrots or green beans with dinner?” This gives your child some control of a situation that they’re probably not thrilled with. You could also ask them which order they’d like to do chores; “Do you want to clean your room first or take a bath first?”
- Plan for successful transitions: Give countdowns or set timers for when something fun is going to end (or how long your child has to wait until something fun is going to happen). This will prepare him/her to turn off the iPad at a certain time or when their favorite television show will start. If you’re ending a fun activity, be sure to remind your child that if they follow their rules and they’re good, they can get more time with it. If possible, tell them when it will be available again. “Thanks for handing over the iPad, after we eat dinner you can have more time with it.”
- First-Then: First-then statements are typically my go-to for my clients and even my husband. “First, take out the trash, then you can play video games” – and that’s an example I use with my husband! Pair something not fun with something fun so your child knows that they will be able to what they want after they do what you’re asking them to do.
- Functional communication: This name kind of bothers me because most communication is functional, but specifically this is targetting requests for access to something or to delay or escape from something. If it’s time to hand off the iPad, you can prompt your child to ask for an additional minute so they learn that they can say that instead of having a tantrum. If your child likes picking out a candy bar in the grocery store and flops and screams if he doesn’t get to pick it, tell him that he can say “I want a Twix bar, please.”
- Keep things predictable: Have you ever had someone spring plans on you? I know it throws me into a tizzy. Think of how that must feel for your son or daughter. Create schedules for daily activities (i.e., snack, homework, dinner, bath time, etc). Give your child some control by allowing them to choose the order of activities that don’t have specific time requirements.
It can be difficult to remember to change your behavior every minute of every day. After all, we all have times when we slip up and say or do something we wished we hadn’t. But, pick one or two strategies each day or week and keep a tally of how many times you remember to use them, not only with your child(ren) but use it with your spouse, dog, co-workers, and see how it changes how they respond to you!
Check out my antecedent strategy resource in the shop: Click Here!
Which strategies have worked best for you? What other strategies have you used that have been successful?