It is exciting and nerve-wracking enough to find out you’re expecting a child. Add in the additional pressure of balancing attention with older siblings, or even older siblings with special needs, and you’re on a roller coaster of emotion (probably every day).
I was recently asked to help a family prepare their child diagnosed with a developmental disability for a younger sibling. Here are some of the strategies I’ve used in the past, as well as some additional tips that can help:
Get a baby: Buy a baby doll, either any doll on the market or an anatomically-correct newborn doll. Have your son or daughter help pick out clothes and diapers. Spend some time each day showing your son or daughter what you will have to do with the baby (changing diapers, feeding, burping, napping) and practice having your child acknowledge that the baby is fragile and (s)he has to be gentle. You can also play recordings of a newborn crying while you’re interacting with the doll so your older child understands that that’s how babies communicate.
Divide your attention: Isolate time when you will be with the baby doll (or even just taking a breather for yourself!); tell your older child that (s)he needs to play by him/herself for a certain period of time and set a timer so (s)he knows when you’ll be available again. This will help your child not feel alone when you need to spend time with the newborn. It’s also a good idea to schedule time alone with your older child when the newborn arrives. During nap time, ask your older child what (s)he wants to do and spend quality time with him/her.
Babies are everywhere: Point out babies when you’re in public so your child can see what babies are like. Be sure to also point out babies when they’re crying to prepare your child for the louder side of having a newborn.
Name early: Or at the very least, try to find out the gender so your child doesn’t get used to “it”. Having a name early will help your child understand that the baby (and, for now, the “bump”) is a person.
Super sibling!: Use terms like “big brother/sister” and “big helper” frequently and begin asking your child to help do things you might need him/her to help with later (grabbing a blanket or a new diaper). Praise their helpfulness and let him/her that they are appreciated!
New caregivers: Introduce your child to any new caregivers who may enter the picture. This could be a nanny, babysitter, or even just the in-laws who may be around way more often. Be sure to also get your child comfortable with whomever they will be staying with while you’re at the hospital.
Use media: Nowadays, kids are glued to iPads, tablets, and phones. For once, this will be helpful! Caillou has a fussy younger sister, Dora has younger twin siblings who were born at home (if you’re planning a home birth), Arthur has a younger sister. However, Boss Baby may not be the greatest, or most realistic, example of preparing your child for a younger brother or sister.
What are some ways you’ve helped your child prepare for a younger sibling? Leave a comment!